Today, I was watching TV, and could not help but to pay attention when they began talking about the Queen Bee Syndrome, which was a new term to my ears.
Upon listening carefully, I sadly realized that this was something I am very familiar with. In my past, I had one female supervisor, who fit this bill. At the time, back in 1999, I considered her to be the 'devil incarnate'. Today, I see her for the insecure person she really was. Then again, maturity makes you realize these things in hindsight.
We met when I worked for a business college in Chelsea, and had applied for a secretarial position for one of the top administrative departments. I had to take a city-wide competitive test in order to secure my ability to be hired at this site. She hired me because we were both Latin, and she was banking on us being ‘friends’. Oh yes, and my excellent credentials didn’t hurt matters, either. At that point, I was seeking an employer who would subsidize the rest of my college degree so the job seemed to be the perfect fit for me.
I began working promptly after the interview and hiring process, as is the usual. My first day was pretty uneventful. She seemed rather disorganized, as if she had had no time to prepare for my arrival, but I, having substantial administrative experience, I was used to ‘taking the load off’ of my supervisor’s shoulders. The second day I was there, she told me all about how she, herself, had started out as an Assistant over 20 years before. She had worked her way up, and was particularly proud she was from the Bronx and Puerto Rican. I admired her for her determination, and hoped this would be a great working relationship since it showed great promise.
During that first week, at lunchtime, she inquired where I was going for lunch. Since I wasn’t very familiar with the area, I asked for her suggestion. She quickly said Ruben’s Empanadas. It wasn’t my personal favorite, but I am always open to trying new things so I wrote down her order, and headed out the door. When I returned, she inspected the contents of the bag I handed her, and almost instantly, began complaining that one of the ‘empanadas’ was not baked, but fried. I was sympathetic, but wanted to eat my lunch before it got any colder. I informed her that I had ordered what she asked for, but that sometimes people make mistakes. She immediately demanded I return to the restaurant and exchange the ‘empanada’ for her. This was when I reminded her that ME, going to get HER lunch was a favor, and that I was still on my own lunch hour. If she wanted another ‘empanada’, she would have to walk the 3.5 blocks in the rain to the restaurant herself. From that day forward, as soon as it was my lunchtime, I would disappear without uttering a word in her direction. This disagreement fueled my downward spiral from 'star employee' to 'incompetent hooligan' in her opinion.
While I was working in that position, I reorganized many systems the college was using to make them more efficient, and revamped many regularly used forms, procedures, etc. I even devised new electronic templates for college-wide use. I coordinated their distribution and troubleshot as the employees became accustomed to using them. It is in my nature to make my workflow more efficient, and despite her lousy attitude, I was not going to compromise my personal integrity.
It didn't take long for it to become increasingly apparent that this woman took advantage of the college work-study youths that had the misfortune to cross her path. Most of the time, people understand college work-study students can perform simple office tasks, and as compensation, they receive a nominal stipend to enhance their Financial Aid package. But for this woman, they were her own personal little slaves. Not only did she have them picking up her lunch every day, but her personal dry cleaning, and running many of her personal errands. To top it all off, she had these poor kids ripping stacks upon stacks of paper instead of using the industrial size shredder which was located in the same room to protect the machine from the wear and tear.
Now, you may think I am exaggerating or sensationalizing matters, but picture this - every time there was a meeting involving any Faculty actions, a huge binder was distributed to each committee member (there were about 20). Each binder was at least 3” wide, and many times we needed up to 2 separate binders to stock all the materials required. Each inch of a binder holds approximately 115 sheets of paper so you can just imagine the volume of paper I am referring to. Also, keep in mind, the shredding would be backlogged since it was done by hand every so often. Often, there were materials from a couple of previous meetings to dispose of, not just one. Additionally, the paper had to be shredded to keep the confidentiality of the information.
I recall asking her one day why don’t we just use the shredder? She glanced at me as if I was an insect she was about to swat. I continued to explain that it was a very large shredder, and it made no sense to have these kids take all that time doing that when there was other work to be done. She took a moment to collect herself, but her displeasure was very obvious. When she was ready to reply, it was very slowly, as if calculating each and every individual word of her response. “If the shredder breaks, it will take a lot of money to fix and it cost a lot of money to purchase in the first place…” She continued by stating she was not going to jeopardize it being damaged. Again, this made no sense to me, but I decided to drop the cause since it really was of no benefit or cost to me personally.
Another point of contention between us were the restrooms. Because the building had in the past been used as judge’s chambers, each suite had a private bathroom. These private restrooms were small, but were equipped with a standard sized sink and toilet; nothing fancy, but very convenient. Then, there were the employee bathrooms. They were down the hall, and at night, the sensors, which were powered by motion detectors sometimes went off, and the hallway was very dark. Apparently, in the past there had been a sexual assault on another floor in one of the women’s employee bathrooms. The attack had taken place while another woman was in an adjacent stall urinating. The bystander reasoned it was two lovers being spontaneous and the attack went on undisturbed.
Sometimes on Fridays, the 'devil-boss' would not come in, and I was alone in the office after 3:00 pm when the rest of the employees would also make themselves scarce. In the Winter, it starts getting dark by 4:30 pm. Now try this one out, she had left strict instructions that the office door was not to be closed during business hours. The desk could not be left unattended. I was the only one in the office, and I had to go to the bathroom with great urgency. Should I go down the dark hall and have to close the door and attract the ire of the lunatic I was working for? Or should I just hastily go to the bathroom less than 5 feet away from me? I call this a 'no-brainer'.
At first, she was not aware that I had been using the small bathroom in the office, but she found out when one day a ‘prima-donna’ male coworker abruptly opened the door, which by the way, had no lock on it. He actually had the gall to be surprised to find me sitting on the bowl relieving myself. He was so very embarrassed, and turned all shades of red. To be honest, I wasn’t, because I foresaw that a bathroom without a lock was a recipe for disaster despite my irrational supervisor’s illogical objections, and lack of vision. She didn’t want a lock installed in order to deter people from using it. Ummm, it was a bathroom; cleaned each night, and stocked with soap and toilet paper…what did you think it was meant for? Am I STILL missing something? Really? Needless to say, I continued using the bathroom, and the male coworker from down the hall, stopped opening the door to refill his tea kettle without knocking first.
During my time at this office, I did complain about her routinely uplifting messages like “maybe you should have your prescription checked again since you still can’t see” referring to my vision when she found a type-o or data entry error. She would complain when my fiancé called me once daily on my private extension. I was always professional, and would not stay on the phone for long. I was routinely discreet with my conversations, but what I believed really bothered her was me receiving any calls at all. She slowly began eating away at my enthusiasm, gradually demoralizing me, and eventually, my desire to continue working at this college waned entirely. It all became very clear when I sought the help of my Union Representative. I provided him with dates and documentation to back-up my statements, and even then, he refused to help me. He reasoned she had been there for so long. He was intimidated to take her on. He said the union knew about her, but they chose to ignore it since their hands were tied. So, this is what I was paying these high union dues to DC37 for? Thanks a lot!
After a bit under 2 years, I got fed up enough to leave this job. I figured in the same manner I had found this job to pay for my tuition, I could just as easily find another one without 'psycho-woman' attached to it. I began going on interviews and missing days at work. As you can imagine, this attracted her contemptuous attention. She gave me the ‘you better shape up or ship out’ talk, and I listened expressionless as she ranted on endlessly about how irresponsible I was.
You have no idea the satisfaction I felt the day I finally got to march into HER office, and let HER know we needed to talk. I had landed another job for a Regional Vice President at a prestigious Fortune 500 company, which would be paying me almost double what I had been earning at the college, and they also paid my tuition. Not to mention, I would be working for a real Executive, and not just a mere Coordinator…lol. She threatened to have HR withhold my unused leave and vacation time. She was outraged since I had only given her 2 weeks notice. She said this was a reflection of my lack of character and unreliable nature. I responded I didn’t think it was necessary to attack me personally because this happened in the workplace all the time; people come and people go. Not to mention, 2 weeks notice is the customary advance notice when leaving an employer. She was furious with me and quickly dismissed me. I also reminded her before I left, that legally, she would not be able to have my earnings held up. As you can imagine, my last 2 weeks there were not pleasant.
The day I was leaving, all the other employees in the office threw me a small impromptu celebration to say good bye, and they were all very supportive. Dare I say, even excited for me. She remained in her office for most of the day, way too busy to address me unless she was looking for something she couldn’t find for the millionth time. Yes, did I forget to mention that to boot, she was also a needy type of supervisor? This actually made it that much more humorous. Of course, she left for the day when I was away from the desk so she would not have to say a word to me. This action of slinking out of the office further clarified her true nature. Now, let me say this. I have never done anything vindictive in the workplace prior to leaving any job prior to this one or since then, but for the first time, I felt it was justified and compelled. I ended up taking all the files I had worked on during the entire time I worked there with me. I uploaded everything to a remote server, and hit the delete key on the c:// drive. All the work I had invested time in during my time under her supervision was gone...just like that. That was MY WAY of saying good bye to HER!
The sad part is today she’s risen to Directorship status despite her wonderfully constructive managerial skills, which speaks volumes about the institution and its HR practices. Even sadder still, she had another one of the girls, who had stayed behind at the job, call me several times over the first month or so after I had left to demand I immediately restore all the files, or else. I ended up taking the girl out to lunch, and inviting her to visit me at my new job just so she could go back and tell ‘the bitch’ about it. By the way, I am still waiting for that or else!
The other Queen Bee in my career, believe it or not, is my current boss. However, I must say she has come a long way. Is it because she’s been forced to by her peers? More than likely; I highly doubt she’s had a complete character overhaul in the last few months for no reason at all. But, after 4 long years, she has finally agreed to support me in acquiring further educational opportunities paid for by the Company, as well as, the prospect of a promotion is now a reality. This is something that even a year ago, she would not entertain. Once, she even expressed outright “No one has helped me get where I am, why should I help anyone else?” in reference to me pitching some of the 'above and beyond contributions' from one of my reports in order to secure a promotion in title for that particular woman.
Another time, I brought up my advancement limitations at my current station, how I was never going to get a much coveted office, and how dissatisfied I was to have explored all I possibly could within my current role. I was bored and frustrated, and my supervisor responded with “Sometimes, you have to leave, get further training, education, or experience in order to come back. That’s what I did.” I was shocked at this response. It was a blatant disregard for the value of my work, and even worse, the low morale running rampant in her department. If I had to leave in order to better my station, WHY would I take a step back and return here? Trust me when I say that working in the not-for-profit sector is not a lucrative endeavor by far. It is one of job security and continuous predictability. Most people, whom stay within it, do it for the emotional investment they have in the mission of the place, not for the high earning potential. I am no different.
However, I am proud to say that some of these recent changes in her, I have had a direct hand in, although, of course, she would NEVER admit this. The highest praise I have ever received from her has been for her to tell me directly that she knows I do my work, and she doesn't have to monitor me all the time. I now see this woman as a 'tough nut to crack', but I am continually motivated to 'crack' her. She has become my most difficult workplace challenge, and before I ever leave, I am going to secure her appreciation as modest as it may be. Towards this goal, I have been finely honing my negotiation skills, and have become my own best advocate. I am not shy about letting my supervisor know about ALL of my accomplishments, and how they are valuable and very relevant. I don't need to boast per se, but I do need her to know exactly what strides I am making on a daily basis.
Additionally, I had the opportunity to stand in front of the entire organization along with all the heads of the place, and dissect employees’ tenure here from start to finish during an evaluation exercise a couple of years ago. I got to comment on the problems with the lack of training and support for person's promoted to managerial roles, and eventually, institute 360 degree appraisals for anyone in a supervisory position. Then, new managers had no mentors in upper management, and we were expected to simply ‘wing it’. I got to openly state that all was not as it seemed on the outside, and surprisingly, higher Management listened. I thought I was going to be fired on the spot. I was so nervous. Believe me when I state that I wrestled with myself for weeks before standing in front of THAT crowd and speaking out. My hands were clammy, shaking, and my voice cracked as I continued on, but I was true to myself. I decided to 'go for broke', and tell it like it was. Yes, the changes took a few years to come to pass, but you know what? They are here for good now, and I, along with all my current coworkers, and those who will come after us, will reap these benefits.
Upon listening carefully, I sadly realized that this was something I am very familiar with. In my past, I had one female supervisor, who fit this bill. At the time, back in 1999, I considered her to be the 'devil incarnate'. Today, I see her for the insecure person she really was. Then again, maturity makes you realize these things in hindsight.
We met when I worked for a business college in Chelsea, and had applied for a secretarial position for one of the top administrative departments. I had to take a city-wide competitive test in order to secure my ability to be hired at this site. She hired me because we were both Latin, and she was banking on us being ‘friends’. Oh yes, and my excellent credentials didn’t hurt matters, either. At that point, I was seeking an employer who would subsidize the rest of my college degree so the job seemed to be the perfect fit for me.
I began working promptly after the interview and hiring process, as is the usual. My first day was pretty uneventful. She seemed rather disorganized, as if she had had no time to prepare for my arrival, but I, having substantial administrative experience, I was used to ‘taking the load off’ of my supervisor’s shoulders. The second day I was there, she told me all about how she, herself, had started out as an Assistant over 20 years before. She had worked her way up, and was particularly proud she was from the Bronx and Puerto Rican. I admired her for her determination, and hoped this would be a great working relationship since it showed great promise.
During that first week, at lunchtime, she inquired where I was going for lunch. Since I wasn’t very familiar with the area, I asked for her suggestion. She quickly said Ruben’s Empanadas. It wasn’t my personal favorite, but I am always open to trying new things so I wrote down her order, and headed out the door. When I returned, she inspected the contents of the bag I handed her, and almost instantly, began complaining that one of the ‘empanadas’ was not baked, but fried. I was sympathetic, but wanted to eat my lunch before it got any colder. I informed her that I had ordered what she asked for, but that sometimes people make mistakes. She immediately demanded I return to the restaurant and exchange the ‘empanada’ for her. This was when I reminded her that ME, going to get HER lunch was a favor, and that I was still on my own lunch hour. If she wanted another ‘empanada’, she would have to walk the 3.5 blocks in the rain to the restaurant herself. From that day forward, as soon as it was my lunchtime, I would disappear without uttering a word in her direction. This disagreement fueled my downward spiral from 'star employee' to 'incompetent hooligan' in her opinion.
While I was working in that position, I reorganized many systems the college was using to make them more efficient, and revamped many regularly used forms, procedures, etc. I even devised new electronic templates for college-wide use. I coordinated their distribution and troubleshot as the employees became accustomed to using them. It is in my nature to make my workflow more efficient, and despite her lousy attitude, I was not going to compromise my personal integrity.
It didn't take long for it to become increasingly apparent that this woman took advantage of the college work-study youths that had the misfortune to cross her path. Most of the time, people understand college work-study students can perform simple office tasks, and as compensation, they receive a nominal stipend to enhance their Financial Aid package. But for this woman, they were her own personal little slaves. Not only did she have them picking up her lunch every day, but her personal dry cleaning, and running many of her personal errands. To top it all off, she had these poor kids ripping stacks upon stacks of paper instead of using the industrial size shredder which was located in the same room to protect the machine from the wear and tear.
Now, you may think I am exaggerating or sensationalizing matters, but picture this - every time there was a meeting involving any Faculty actions, a huge binder was distributed to each committee member (there were about 20). Each binder was at least 3” wide, and many times we needed up to 2 separate binders to stock all the materials required. Each inch of a binder holds approximately 115 sheets of paper so you can just imagine the volume of paper I am referring to. Also, keep in mind, the shredding would be backlogged since it was done by hand every so often. Often, there were materials from a couple of previous meetings to dispose of, not just one. Additionally, the paper had to be shredded to keep the confidentiality of the information.
I recall asking her one day why don’t we just use the shredder? She glanced at me as if I was an insect she was about to swat. I continued to explain that it was a very large shredder, and it made no sense to have these kids take all that time doing that when there was other work to be done. She took a moment to collect herself, but her displeasure was very obvious. When she was ready to reply, it was very slowly, as if calculating each and every individual word of her response. “If the shredder breaks, it will take a lot of money to fix and it cost a lot of money to purchase in the first place…” She continued by stating she was not going to jeopardize it being damaged. Again, this made no sense to me, but I decided to drop the cause since it really was of no benefit or cost to me personally.
Another point of contention between us were the restrooms. Because the building had in the past been used as judge’s chambers, each suite had a private bathroom. These private restrooms were small, but were equipped with a standard sized sink and toilet; nothing fancy, but very convenient. Then, there were the employee bathrooms. They were down the hall, and at night, the sensors, which were powered by motion detectors sometimes went off, and the hallway was very dark. Apparently, in the past there had been a sexual assault on another floor in one of the women’s employee bathrooms. The attack had taken place while another woman was in an adjacent stall urinating. The bystander reasoned it was two lovers being spontaneous and the attack went on undisturbed.
Sometimes on Fridays, the 'devil-boss' would not come in, and I was alone in the office after 3:00 pm when the rest of the employees would also make themselves scarce. In the Winter, it starts getting dark by 4:30 pm. Now try this one out, she had left strict instructions that the office door was not to be closed during business hours. The desk could not be left unattended. I was the only one in the office, and I had to go to the bathroom with great urgency. Should I go down the dark hall and have to close the door and attract the ire of the lunatic I was working for? Or should I just hastily go to the bathroom less than 5 feet away from me? I call this a 'no-brainer'.
At first, she was not aware that I had been using the small bathroom in the office, but she found out when one day a ‘prima-donna’ male coworker abruptly opened the door, which by the way, had no lock on it. He actually had the gall to be surprised to find me sitting on the bowl relieving myself. He was so very embarrassed, and turned all shades of red. To be honest, I wasn’t, because I foresaw that a bathroom without a lock was a recipe for disaster despite my irrational supervisor’s illogical objections, and lack of vision. She didn’t want a lock installed in order to deter people from using it. Ummm, it was a bathroom; cleaned each night, and stocked with soap and toilet paper…what did you think it was meant for? Am I STILL missing something? Really? Needless to say, I continued using the bathroom, and the male coworker from down the hall, stopped opening the door to refill his tea kettle without knocking first.
During my time at this office, I did complain about her routinely uplifting messages like “maybe you should have your prescription checked again since you still can’t see” referring to my vision when she found a type-o or data entry error. She would complain when my fiancé called me once daily on my private extension. I was always professional, and would not stay on the phone for long. I was routinely discreet with my conversations, but what I believed really bothered her was me receiving any calls at all. She slowly began eating away at my enthusiasm, gradually demoralizing me, and eventually, my desire to continue working at this college waned entirely. It all became very clear when I sought the help of my Union Representative. I provided him with dates and documentation to back-up my statements, and even then, he refused to help me. He reasoned she had been there for so long. He was intimidated to take her on. He said the union knew about her, but they chose to ignore it since their hands were tied. So, this is what I was paying these high union dues to DC37 for? Thanks a lot!
After a bit under 2 years, I got fed up enough to leave this job. I figured in the same manner I had found this job to pay for my tuition, I could just as easily find another one without 'psycho-woman' attached to it. I began going on interviews and missing days at work. As you can imagine, this attracted her contemptuous attention. She gave me the ‘you better shape up or ship out’ talk, and I listened expressionless as she ranted on endlessly about how irresponsible I was.
You have no idea the satisfaction I felt the day I finally got to march into HER office, and let HER know we needed to talk. I had landed another job for a Regional Vice President at a prestigious Fortune 500 company, which would be paying me almost double what I had been earning at the college, and they also paid my tuition. Not to mention, I would be working for a real Executive, and not just a mere Coordinator…lol. She threatened to have HR withhold my unused leave and vacation time. She was outraged since I had only given her 2 weeks notice. She said this was a reflection of my lack of character and unreliable nature. I responded I didn’t think it was necessary to attack me personally because this happened in the workplace all the time; people come and people go. Not to mention, 2 weeks notice is the customary advance notice when leaving an employer. She was furious with me and quickly dismissed me. I also reminded her before I left, that legally, she would not be able to have my earnings held up. As you can imagine, my last 2 weeks there were not pleasant.
The day I was leaving, all the other employees in the office threw me a small impromptu celebration to say good bye, and they were all very supportive. Dare I say, even excited for me. She remained in her office for most of the day, way too busy to address me unless she was looking for something she couldn’t find for the millionth time. Yes, did I forget to mention that to boot, she was also a needy type of supervisor? This actually made it that much more humorous. Of course, she left for the day when I was away from the desk so she would not have to say a word to me. This action of slinking out of the office further clarified her true nature. Now, let me say this. I have never done anything vindictive in the workplace prior to leaving any job prior to this one or since then, but for the first time, I felt it was justified and compelled. I ended up taking all the files I had worked on during the entire time I worked there with me. I uploaded everything to a remote server, and hit the delete key on the c:// drive. All the work I had invested time in during my time under her supervision was gone...just like that. That was MY WAY of saying good bye to HER!
The sad part is today she’s risen to Directorship status despite her wonderfully constructive managerial skills, which speaks volumes about the institution and its HR practices. Even sadder still, she had another one of the girls, who had stayed behind at the job, call me several times over the first month or so after I had left to demand I immediately restore all the files, or else. I ended up taking the girl out to lunch, and inviting her to visit me at my new job just so she could go back and tell ‘the bitch’ about it. By the way, I am still waiting for that or else!
The other Queen Bee in my career, believe it or not, is my current boss. However, I must say she has come a long way. Is it because she’s been forced to by her peers? More than likely; I highly doubt she’s had a complete character overhaul in the last few months for no reason at all. But, after 4 long years, she has finally agreed to support me in acquiring further educational opportunities paid for by the Company, as well as, the prospect of a promotion is now a reality. This is something that even a year ago, she would not entertain. Once, she even expressed outright “No one has helped me get where I am, why should I help anyone else?” in reference to me pitching some of the 'above and beyond contributions' from one of my reports in order to secure a promotion in title for that particular woman.
Another time, I brought up my advancement limitations at my current station, how I was never going to get a much coveted office, and how dissatisfied I was to have explored all I possibly could within my current role. I was bored and frustrated, and my supervisor responded with “Sometimes, you have to leave, get further training, education, or experience in order to come back. That’s what I did.” I was shocked at this response. It was a blatant disregard for the value of my work, and even worse, the low morale running rampant in her department. If I had to leave in order to better my station, WHY would I take a step back and return here? Trust me when I say that working in the not-for-profit sector is not a lucrative endeavor by far. It is one of job security and continuous predictability. Most people, whom stay within it, do it for the emotional investment they have in the mission of the place, not for the high earning potential. I am no different.
However, I am proud to say that some of these recent changes in her, I have had a direct hand in, although, of course, she would NEVER admit this. The highest praise I have ever received from her has been for her to tell me directly that she knows I do my work, and she doesn't have to monitor me all the time. I now see this woman as a 'tough nut to crack', but I am continually motivated to 'crack' her. She has become my most difficult workplace challenge, and before I ever leave, I am going to secure her appreciation as modest as it may be. Towards this goal, I have been finely honing my negotiation skills, and have become my own best advocate. I am not shy about letting my supervisor know about ALL of my accomplishments, and how they are valuable and very relevant. I don't need to boast per se, but I do need her to know exactly what strides I am making on a daily basis.
Additionally, I had the opportunity to stand in front of the entire organization along with all the heads of the place, and dissect employees’ tenure here from start to finish during an evaluation exercise a couple of years ago. I got to comment on the problems with the lack of training and support for person's promoted to managerial roles, and eventually, institute 360 degree appraisals for anyone in a supervisory position. Then, new managers had no mentors in upper management, and we were expected to simply ‘wing it’. I got to openly state that all was not as it seemed on the outside, and surprisingly, higher Management listened. I thought I was going to be fired on the spot. I was so nervous. Believe me when I state that I wrestled with myself for weeks before standing in front of THAT crowd and speaking out. My hands were clammy, shaking, and my voice cracked as I continued on, but I was true to myself. I decided to 'go for broke', and tell it like it was. Yes, the changes took a few years to come to pass, but you know what? They are here for good now, and I, along with all my current coworkers, and those who will come after us, will reap these benefits.
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