"On behalf of all survivors, let me just say this: if we could “just get over it”, we would. If we could snap our fingers and instantly make ourselves whole and healthy once again, we would do it. If we could wake up one morning, and find ourselves completely healed of our abuse, and completely free of the harmful effects the abuse had wrought on our lives, we’d do it. If there was a magic pill to take, or a certain food we could eat, or a spell we could cast, or a prayer we could say which would make it all go away instantly, I can’t imagine any survivor who wouldn’t at least try it once."
Unknown Author
This passage made me think of the phone call I received a few weeks ago, when my Mother-in-Law called me several times in a row. I was in the middle of my early evening commute. By the time I got off the bus and answered the phone, she was irate and yelling so loudly at the top of her lungs that her voice was cracking. She was calling me in order to bully me into removing the blog entry about her son. Honestly, since I did not want the additional hassle and drama in my life and since my 5 year-old was still in her house while the calls were being made, and since my same daughter stil had not been driven home yet, I relented.
I must confess I felt an unspoken pressure implying that if the post was not removed immediately, my daughter would not be returned. Maybe, it was my imagination, but it was VERY coincidental that she was usually escorted home in the early afternoon and it was now after 7:00 pm, and there was no word about her return; only this enraged woman on the other end of my cell phone commanding me to march into my house right now, turn on my computer and remove the post or else. Yes, I conceded, reluctantly, because every word in that post was true. Yes, there were a few sprinklings of my own opinion, such as my own diagnosis that my ex suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but come on, if you've followed my posts, wouldn't you agree? Here are the distinguishing characteristics according to the Mayo Clinic. In fact, he read some of the characteristics himself and conceded that he may be suffering from the disorder and willingly coined himself a Narcissist. I am not certain he was able to tell that this was a personality disorder rather than a badge of honor, but that was his interpretation.
The most disturbing part was not only was this woman calling to belittle, demand and threaten me that she had similar 'dirt' on me as well (stating she had pictures of my home when it was dirty), but that she was attempting to force me into a confrontation in front of my daughter's school the very next morning. Even after I implicitly expressed that I did not want to talk or see her with a lacing of profanity due to the urgency of the matter. In most states' law books, the several serial calls would be considered harrassment since they were not calls made to convey information rather than to insult, berate, and solicit a negative response from me, and to eventually intimidate me into removing the blog entry. And, the confrontation itself had the potential of an assault if I sensed any danger from her.
Moral of the story, I will need to revise the entry and repost it. I have a really hard time with the fact that the victim is being victimized further into submissive and complacent silence. Come on, we all know the way this works, the abuser gets away with it, the victim suffers in silence, and eventually the abuser abuses another victim in the future. Guess what? This also applies to abusers that cheat...plain and simple.
Personally, I also don't like being bullied into submission when I know I am fully in the right. I did not violate any laws, and in case you did not know it, the best defense for any alleged slander or defamation is the truth. Everything I wrote was true, and furthermore, I am entitled to my own opinion and even to express it if I choose to. I belive that is a civil liberty guaranteed in what's that document called again? Oh yes, The Constitution!
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